MOVIE OF THE WEEK (9/16/16): BLAIR WITCH
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| "Girl, we don't mind carrying you ... But the weight of rebooting a horror franchise on the other hand ..." Ashley (Corbin Reid, center) gets some help from her boyfriend Peter (Brandon Scott, left) and good friend James (James Allen McCune) in a scene from BLAIR WITCH. |
WRITER(S): Simon Barrett
DIRECTOR(S): Adam Wingard
DIRECTOR(S): Adam Wingard
WEB SITE: http://www.blairwitch.com
HERE'S THE STORY: Set 20 years after the events of the original film, Blair Witch finds James Donahue (James Allen McCune) investigating something that many people have since moved on from: The disappearance of his sister Heather, one of three college students who went into the woods in Burkittsville, Maryland to make a documentary about the infamous Blair Witch, only to never be heard from again.
Still seeking closure despite numerous organized search efforts, James finds his interest in the Blair Witch renewed when he discover a 2-minute clip on YouTube in which he swears to see his sister's visage. Meeting up with the clip's uploader, Lane (Wes Robinson) – who claims to have found the footage while exploring the area in the daytime his girlfriend Talia (Valorie Curry) – James sets out to find his sister once and for all. He won't be alone, however, as his would be crush and videography expert Lisa (Callie Hernandez) and family friends/couple Peter (Brandon Scott) and Ashley (Corbin Reid), are joining his journey.
But once they arrive in the woods, James and company discover that some legends are much more real than one might ever imagine ...
HERE'S THE STORY: Set 20 years after the events of the original film, Blair Witch finds James Donahue (James Allen McCune) investigating something that many people have since moved on from: The disappearance of his sister Heather, one of three college students who went into the woods in Burkittsville, Maryland to make a documentary about the infamous Blair Witch, only to never be heard from again.
Still seeking closure despite numerous organized search efforts, James finds his interest in the Blair Witch renewed when he discover a 2-minute clip on YouTube in which he swears to see his sister's visage. Meeting up with the clip's uploader, Lane (Wes Robinson) – who claims to have found the footage while exploring the area in the daytime his girlfriend Talia (Valorie Curry) – James sets out to find his sister once and for all. He won't be alone, however, as his would be crush and videography expert Lisa (Callie Hernandez) and family friends/couple Peter (Brandon Scott) and Ashley (Corbin Reid), are joining his journey.
But once they arrive in the woods, James and company discover that some legends are much more real than one might ever imagine ...
WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? College kids who have never seen the original; people who still wax nostalgically about the original; anyone seeking a simple cheap cinematic diversion
WHO WON'T (OR SHOULDN'T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? Anyone who finds most horror movie sequels unnecessary; Those who hate sequels that feel cheap with weak storylines; people who hate movies filled with clichés and characters with extremely questionable decision making skills; anyone who hates a film with a predictable and lackluster ending.
SO, IS IT GOOD, BAD OR ABSOLUTELY AWFUL? If you were young person in 1999, life was exciting. The Internet, still developing, was an amazing piece of technology that would serve as a precursor to smartphones, HD and 4K TV, Netflix and social media. It was also the year the original Blair Witch film, The Blair Witch Project, was released in theaters to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars, thanks to one of the – at the time – most innovative and clever marketing campaigns in Hollywood history. (There were also plenty of negative consequences that came from it, too.) But no matter how you ended up feeling about the actual film, there was no denying that it was a hit, inspiring countless numbers of people to be scared out of camping in the woods, more to visit the actual town of Burkittsville and spawning a horde of "found footage" film imitators, many with nowhere near the creativity or success of Blair Witch.
That last sentence is relevant to the Blair Witch franchise itself, for after the undeniable success of the original film, a sequel – the awful and universally panned Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 which is now not considered Blair Witch canon – came and went with a whimper. Thus, given that the college audience that helped make the original a hit has moved on and started having families, one might wonder why, after 17 years have passed, Hollywood has decided now is the time to make a sequel.
Having now seen the film, I can tell you this: I can't think of a good reason they should have one, either.
Let me be brief: If you never saw the original film, or really – like, REALLY – love the original film, you'll be okay with Blair Witch. Problem is, however, if you have a functioning cerebral cortex, you'll likely notice just how weak everything about the production is and lose interest in it quicker than the characters in the film lose any chance of making it out alive.
Let's start with the plot. Think about this: In age where Snopes.com can sniff out every fake thing online in a moment, after numerous searches have been conducted (in the story of the film) and NO ONE has heard from her in 20 years, you are honestly supposed to believe that James would not only head out into a supposedly haunted wooded area to find the sister he thinks still could be out there?! This movie had a more believable premise. Tell the police, call Inside Edition, hit up Ken Burns ... But let's head out in the woods after meeting a YouTube freak and his girlfriend AFTER your sister goes missing and has never been heard from again?! Even if you don't believe in ghosts, there could be a serial killer in those woods! This is the only reaction that makes sense.
Now, I'm not going to spew too much venom on the actors ... Then again, why would I? You get some classic horror movie clichés in the black guy, the "ain't nothing gonna happen guy" (who is also the black guy), the hot girl who you know something bad will happen to, the hipsters, the weird guy you just know has something wrong with him from the moment you see him and the useless, just here to get hurt character who doesn't do or add anything to the story other than, well, I guess I already explained that role.
Also hindering the film is that in addition to a silly story and lackluster characters, the fact the film (1) does nothing to make you care about its characters – they are just here to serve as fodder for you to have someone to watch go through the experience – and (2) there are just too many predictable, "we all know that move ain't gonna end well" moments. Whereas the first film had a sense of intrigue about it where the audience didn't know if the film was real and what would happen, Blair Witch suffers as you can never suspend your disbelief and there's too many rehashes from the first film that are just now, well, lame. The one development that could have been cool with one of the characters never goes anywhere – seriously, it's like the screenwriter and the director said 'Let's have this happen to character X ...' and then no one reminded them they needed to do something with that plot point. Throw in an ending that is just, well, confusing and unoriginal and all your left with is 98 minutes of 'Well, that was disappointing.'
Those are the reasons Blair Witch proves that the scariest thing about making a sequel to a successful, original piece of horror is when that sequel's filmmakers fail to understand the difference between paying homage to its inspiration and simply existing as a poor carbon copy of it.
SO, IS IT GOOD, BAD OR ABSOLUTELY AWFUL? If you were young person in 1999, life was exciting. The Internet, still developing, was an amazing piece of technology that would serve as a precursor to smartphones, HD and 4K TV, Netflix and social media. It was also the year the original Blair Witch film, The Blair Witch Project, was released in theaters to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars, thanks to one of the – at the time – most innovative and clever marketing campaigns in Hollywood history. (There were also plenty of negative consequences that came from it, too.) But no matter how you ended up feeling about the actual film, there was no denying that it was a hit, inspiring countless numbers of people to be scared out of camping in the woods, more to visit the actual town of Burkittsville and spawning a horde of "found footage" film imitators, many with nowhere near the creativity or success of Blair Witch.
That last sentence is relevant to the Blair Witch franchise itself, for after the undeniable success of the original film, a sequel – the awful and universally panned Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 which is now not considered Blair Witch canon – came and went with a whimper. Thus, given that the college audience that helped make the original a hit has moved on and started having families, one might wonder why, after 17 years have passed, Hollywood has decided now is the time to make a sequel.
Having now seen the film, I can tell you this: I can't think of a good reason they should have one, either.
Let me be brief: If you never saw the original film, or really – like, REALLY – love the original film, you'll be okay with Blair Witch. Problem is, however, if you have a functioning cerebral cortex, you'll likely notice just how weak everything about the production is and lose interest in it quicker than the characters in the film lose any chance of making it out alive.
Let's start with the plot. Think about this: In age where Snopes.com can sniff out every fake thing online in a moment, after numerous searches have been conducted (in the story of the film) and NO ONE has heard from her in 20 years, you are honestly supposed to believe that James would not only head out into a supposedly haunted wooded area to find the sister he thinks still could be out there?! This movie had a more believable premise. Tell the police, call Inside Edition, hit up Ken Burns ... But let's head out in the woods after meeting a YouTube freak and his girlfriend AFTER your sister goes missing and has never been heard from again?! Even if you don't believe in ghosts, there could be a serial killer in those woods! This is the only reaction that makes sense.
Now, I'm not going to spew too much venom on the actors ... Then again, why would I? You get some classic horror movie clichés in the black guy, the "ain't nothing gonna happen guy" (who is also the black guy), the hot girl who you know something bad will happen to, the hipsters, the weird guy you just know has something wrong with him from the moment you see him and the useless, just here to get hurt character who doesn't do or add anything to the story other than, well, I guess I already explained that role.
Also hindering the film is that in addition to a silly story and lackluster characters, the fact the film (1) does nothing to make you care about its characters – they are just here to serve as fodder for you to have someone to watch go through the experience – and (2) there are just too many predictable, "we all know that move ain't gonna end well" moments. Whereas the first film had a sense of intrigue about it where the audience didn't know if the film was real and what would happen, Blair Witch suffers as you can never suspend your disbelief and there's too many rehashes from the first film that are just now, well, lame. The one development that could have been cool with one of the characters never goes anywhere – seriously, it's like the screenwriter and the director said 'Let's have this happen to character X ...' and then no one reminded them they needed to do something with that plot point. Throw in an ending that is just, well, confusing and unoriginal and all your left with is 98 minutes of 'Well, that was disappointing.'
Those are the reasons Blair Witch proves that the scariest thing about making a sequel to a successful, original piece of horror is when that sequel's filmmakers fail to understand the difference between paying homage to its inspiration and simply existing as a poor carbon copy of it.
OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):
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