MOVIE OF THE WEEK 12/25/25: ANACONDA

 

"If I don't keep running, I'll stop long enough to make another Kung Fu Panda sequel!" Doug (Jack Black) tries his best to skeedaddle from the titular character of he and his friend's reboot of the original ANACONDA. Credit: Bradley Patrick © 2025 CTMG, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 

CAST: Jack Black | Paul Rudd | Steve Zahn | Thandiwe Newton | Daniela Melchior | Selton Mello

WRITER: Tom Gormican & Kevin Etten; Hans Bauer, Jim Cash & Jack Epps, Jr. (characters)

DIRECTOR: Tom Gormican

TRAILER:

THE STORY: Doug (Jack Black) and Griff (Paul Rudd) are childhood friends who wanted to make movies. But whereas Griff has left their native Buffalo and failed to make his mark in Hollywood, Doug has become a filmmaker of sorts as a director of wedding videos. So, when Doug is thrown a surprise birthday party, he is very surprised to discover that Griff has come back home to visit. The bigger surprise, however, is what Griff tells him: He has acquired the rights to "Anaconda," the Sony Pictures franchise made famous by Ice Cube, Jennifer Lopez and Jon Voight. 

With their lives not going in the direction they'd like, they decide to risk it all, get a loan and head to the Amazon for a three-week exercise in guerilla filmmaking. So, armed with their fellow childhood friends, "Buffalo Sober" cameraman Kenny (Steve Zahn) and Griff's ex-girlfriend/lawyer/fellow actor Claire (Thandiwe Newton), the crew sets on their way to film their tribute to the greatest giant snake film of all-time. 

But, as fate would have it, making a movie in the Amazon doesn't account for the habits of their animal enthusiast Santiago (Selton Mello) or a woman (Daniela Melchior) trying to escape armed men hunting her down. And, let's not forget the actual anacondas roaming the jungle ...

THE REVIEW: ANACONDA is a film doing multiple things at once. It's the story of two childhood friends trying to find joy in life by doing the one thing they always wanted to do in making a movie. It's also an homage/tribute/satire of the original film that highlights both its highs and lows that have given it a bit of cult classic status. It's also trying at times to pull off the ever-so-hard feat of providing a few actual scares while also sprinkling in the type of humor you'd expect in a film led by Black and Rudd. It's also got the movie-within-the-world-of-a-movie-with-real-people-interacting-with-fictional-characters-who-love-the-fictional-characters-played-by-the-real-people thing. (Let's call it the Ocean's 12 conundrum and leave it at that.) In short, there's a lot going on the just over 90 minutes that is 2025's ANACONDA, a comedy/heartfelt friendship story/homage with a couple of key cameos and sprinkled in with scenes from an action movie. 

All that being said, it's almost easier to say what ANACONDA (the 2025 version) isn't than what it is: It's not a film trying to be the original, it's not a film trying to reboot the original and it's not a film likely to have the staying power of the original. It's kind of like the recent Mean Girls musical that came and went from theaters: Good enough, but no one's going to mistake it for the source material that inspired it. 

ANACONDA (again, the 2025 version) is at its best when Black and Rudd are conveying the things that are most relatable to the audience: following your dreams and having fun with your friends. However, throwing in an action subplot - even though Black's character tries to work it into his script better than most real directors would - coupled with the snake feeling too cartoonish (even in a satire) hurts more than it helps. The thing one would think the film's cast would excel at (comedy) feels more forced than its dramatic/heartfelt moments, a balancing act which few films since the excellent Shaun of the Dead have been able to pull off.

So, yes, while there are snakes out there this big, expecting the 2025 version of ANACONDA to pull off something with more than a passable bite is more out of place than Voight's accent in the original.

RATING (OUT OF FOUR BUCKETS OF POPCORN):