MOVIE OF THE WEEK (11/13/09): 2012
KEY CAST MEMBERS: John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt, Woody Harrelson, Chiwetel Ejiofor (try saying that three times fast!), Thandie Newton and Danny Glover as the latest black president in a disaster film
WRITER: Harald Kloser and Roland Emmerich
DIRECTOR: Roland Emmerich
WEB SITE: www.whowillsurvive2012.com
THE PLOT: Ever heard of the Mayan civilization? If not, pay attention in history class and/or read a book every once in a while! Sorry, where was I? Oh right - the Mayans!
See, back a long, long, long time ago, the Mayans came up with this calendar ... That says the world will come to an end on Dec. 21, 2012. (Note to my friends: Get my birthday presents a few days earlier than usual that year, please, just to be safe!) And a lot of scientists and other smart types have found a lot of things that would tend to support various facets of that calendar.
And that's a problem for Adrian Helmsley (Ejiofor), a scientist who makes a discovery that looks like the Mayans are going to be dead-on in their prediction - the key word in that sentence being 'dead,' as in all of mankind.
Meanwhile, across the world, a failed author named Jackson Curtis (Cusack) is working as a limo driver for a russian big wig and his spoiled brat twins while trying to reconnect with his ex (Peet) and their kids. Upon a camping trip to Yellowstone National Park, he runs into a mountain man (Harrelson) who is spouting numerous crazy theories about the end of the world from his mobile home/radio station/bar.
Long story short, Jackson and Adrian's paths cross at the end of the world - literally!
THE TAKE: Did you see The Day After Tomorrow? How about Deep Impact? What about just the 2012 trailer that features about 20 explosions in 30 seconds? If the answer is yes to ANY of these questions, you've seen 2012 - or should at least know what to expect during its 2 hour, 40 minute run time.
I'm not going to waste your time waxing poetic about this; instead, I will do this in a fashion fitting of the movie - I'm going to do short bursts of information like CNN's news ticker (in a similar completely random order that makes sense as a whole):
Woody Harrelson's character - standard nutjob in an apocalypse movie says critic ... Special effects great, plausibility of events in which they unfold not so much ... Chiwetel Ejiofor: Good acting, wrong movie for it ... Danny Glover: He really is too old for this ... Thandie Newton: Absolutely useless character ... Logic used to set up the way the characters act: Not logical at all ... Critic says ridiculous action sequences better suited for a Michael Bay movie ... Michael Bay likely to not get critic's joke about his bad action movies nearly being outdone by Roland Emmerich ... Survey shows that 1 in 3 American audiences don't why John Cusack is in this movie, either ... 2 out of 3 Americans will be happy if they want nearly 3 hours of stuff blowing up and/or like John Cusack ... Critic discovers there is no way to quickly summarize why 2012 is basically The Day After Tomorrow with more explosions, less plausibility (even if you believe in the Mayan calendar or global climate change) and standard action movie characters ...
Sylvester Stallone upset John Cusack steals and tops his patented running out of a fire sequence ... Arnold Schwarzenegger upset he was not asked to film part of actor portraying what is essentially him (claims he would have done it cheap given California's current economy woes) ... Did we mention 2012 has a lot of explosions? ... Movie breaks down to sub-standard action fare with a "we're all just human" feel good message ... Critic believes readers smart enough to get the message by now ...
And if you don't and go to 2012 expecting anything other than a silly, explosion filled romp about the end of the world, it'll be amazing if you survive that long.
RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):
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